Call of duty 4

The Game we play the most........ ;)

Lemon Dacuration

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh...,hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]

That's how business is done

Conversation between Bapoo & his son.

Baboo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice* *
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"* *
Baboo: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."* *
**Son : "Well, in that case...ok"* *
Next Baboo approaches Bill Gates.* *
Baboo: "I have a husband for your daughter."* *
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"*
*
Baboo: "But this young man is a vice-president of the
World Bank."* *
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"* *
Finally Baboo goes to see the president of the World
Bank.* *
Baboo: "I have a young man to be recommended as a
vice-president."* *
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents
than I need!"* *
Baboo: "But this young man is Bill Gates's
son-in-law."* *
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"* *

**This is how business is done!!*

What's your designation

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered,they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

How to put right person at right JOB(with appologies in advance)

How to put the right person in the right Job?

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right Job? If yes, try this simple experiment.
Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:
If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks - PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN QUANTITY CONTROL.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN SALES.
If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN STRATEGIC PLANNING.
AND last but not least....
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT. JUST FOR ENJOYMENT