Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh...,hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh...,hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]
Friday, February 20, 2009
That's how business is done
Conversation between Bapoo & his son.
Baboo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice* *
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"* *
Baboo: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."* *
**Son : "Well, in that case...ok"* *
Next Baboo approaches Bill Gates.* *
Baboo: "I have a husband for your daughter."* *
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"*
*
Baboo: "But this young man is a vice-president of the
World Bank."* *
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"* *
Finally Baboo goes to see the president of the World
Bank.* *
Baboo: "I have a young man to be recommended as a
vice-president."* *
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents
than I need!"* *
Baboo: "But this young man is Bill Gates's
son-in-law."* *
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"* *
**This is how business is done!!*
What's your designation
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered,they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Why student fail in exam?
It's not the fault of the student if he/she fails, because the year has ONLY 365 days.
Breakup of a typical academic year for a student.
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, are rest days. Balance 313 days.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days.
3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.
4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days.
5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30days. Balance 96 days.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Balance 81 days.
7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.
10. Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day. That day is student’s birthday.
Now tell me that how can a student pass?
Breakup of a typical academic year for a student.
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, are rest days. Balance 313 days.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days.
3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.
4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days.
5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30days. Balance 96 days.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Balance 81 days.
7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.
10. Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day. That day is student’s birthday.
Now tell me that how can a student pass?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
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